How Not To Suck at Twitter

Before you read further, this is not a professional step-by-step guide on how to use Twitter. It's more of a list of grievances based on some particularly peevish Tweets that have graced my stream recently. It is by no means comprehensive, but rather a few tips I feel the need to share.

So, that said, here are few word of wisdom from Yours Truly...in no particular order:

1. Stop Selling
Look at your Twitter stream. How many of your past Tweets refer to something that puts money in your pocket or in your drinking buddy's pocket? I get that you are proud of your accomplishments. Kudos. And don't get me wrong, I want to hear about them. Just not not all the time.

2. Use Your Words
This includes vowels. While I understand that your infinite genius is hard to contain in a mere 140 characters, I suggest you consider a blog post. Because, to be honest, nothing trumps your pithy insight and intellect more than a string of nonsensical third grade abbreviations.

3. Don't Tweet Angry. Or Drunk.
We all get fired up and trust me, I am guilty of my own social media rants. But, before you hastily dash off that seething Tweet, stop. Breathe.

As my co-worker other person sagely pointed out:



Put. The Twitter. Down.

4. Stop the Exploitation of Hashtags
Now before you get all "But you are the Queen of #insertwittysubtexthere.", that's not what I mean. I mean attaching a trending hashtag to a completely unrelated Tweet just to leverage its popularity. It's like riding coattails, but geekier. It's riding hashtags, which is really just embarrassing.

5. Just Be You
I might be guilty of one or all of the above at times. There are no rules. Except maybe one, which is be authentic.

So, these are a just few of my most recent pet peeves. What are yours?

American Apparel Hits Bottom

When I came across the American Apparel "Best Bottom" contest I couldn't shake the wave of utter disgust and disdain that I felt. But I also couldn't pinpoint why.


Sure, there is the blatant objectification of women. And the exploitation of amateur models for commercial gain. There's the unfortunate placement of mostly nude women near the innocent toddler touting the "Expanded Kid's line." And, yeah, Dov Charney sends shivers of nausea down my back, with his smarmy workplace ethics and seedy soft core porn ads (Don't get me started on the facial hair).

But, his unconventional creativity has built an empire and he uses his influence to fight some pretty worthy causes, like immigration and Prop 8. I usually respect and admire most things rogue and anti-establishment. In fact, it's kind of my thing.

So where did this passionate hipster disdain come from? Have I gone the way of the over the hill counter culture crusader turned yuppie? Maybe I'm threatened by the next generation of young idealists. It's not entirely out of the question. Yours Truly is not impervious to the occasional bout of petty jealousy. (Hello, Heidi Klum in a bikini? Bitch.)

Or maybe hipsters are the new teenyboppers. A subculture of superficial skinny jeans searching for the shiniest object.

Whatever the case, I can't shake it. But I don't want to close my mind and become a judgmental old coot. I'm pretty sure some of my friends might in fact be hipsters. Possibly even my own father. (Yes, it's true. He is partial to avant garde art and gold lame tights and I love him dearly for it).

So, here's the deal, I promise not to judge you by your tight fitting ironic tee. But, I will not give up my LATFH addiction.

And, I will do my best to not buy anything retail from American Apparel. While I support their fair wage practices and endorse many of their causes, Charney makes me feel dirty. It will be hard, but I will have to find my mesh unitards somewhere else with a little more class. Like PoleDancingClass.com.

PS As a special belated Holiday gift, I present to you the American Apparel Christmas ad. Enjoy.